Author: Don Grier

Helping others thrive through wellness and weightloss.

Yoked to Jesus: Finding Strength Through Adversity

Plowing the Hills of Calvaro

Introduction

This a parable story suitable for middle school students and above about the following excerpt from Matthew 11: 28-30.  Questions follow. 

28  “Come to me, all you who labor and are burdened, and I will give you rest.

29   Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am meek and humble of heart; and you will find rest for yourselves.

30  For my yoke is easy, and my burden light.”

Story and questions copyright 2024 Don Grier.

The Yoking

I remember the conversation as clearly as yesterday when I was told that Jesús and I would be harnessed together for the plowing season. 

“I can’t believe Farmer Hector yoked me to old Jesús,” I neighed to my friend Buck.  “What is the Farmer thinking?  Does he want to plow the pasture all Spring? To leave the pasture fallow at harvest time.  I thought he would pick someone young and strong like you, Buck, or Diablo since we would get it done quickly.  What is he thinking?”

Stumble then Learn

But in hindsight, I was wrong! Jesús slowed me down initially when I was galloping too fast.  But I soon realized slower was better in the rocky pasture, where stones can splinter a hoof, as I did one brisk morning when I felt frisky.  But to my surprise, old Jesús pulled us long and more than made up for my injury during the days I was recovering.

After I was healed, I was ready and raring to go. Jesús, let me plod on, seeming to take no interest in our work.   He let me carry a good bit of the load since I had learned my lesson about the rocks and looked to avoid them. It tested my patience and resilience, but I was determined to do my best. 

Jesús’s seeming lack of interest worried me as we approached the Hill of Calvaro.  With the end of spring coming, we had just a few days left to get the plowing done. Farmer Hector loved to terrace the hill because the crops grew better in the cooler climate. 

Climbing the Hill of Calvaro

Jesús again surprised me as he picked up the pace. It took both of us to pull up that devilish hill. I saw Jesús matching my steps and pulling me forward when I faltered. The last drive took all Jesús had, but he did not complain as he lay panting and heaving.  Until, at last, his heart gave out just as we crested the Hill of Cavaro.  Farmer Hector buried him there where he fell, on that hallowed hill.  Jesús died at 33 years, a ripe age for a plow horse.

The Lesson

A few days later (three, I think), Farmer Hector and I stopped at a lake before returning to the homestead. We looked up and were amazed.  In the deep blue sky was one lone cloud shaped like old Jesús.  Farmer Hector said under his breath, “Could it be?”  He just shook his head doubtfully.  But I could have sworn, in the whispering wind, I heard Jesús whinny, “Remember.” 

And I have tried to remember!  I may not be as patient and as strong as old Jesús.  Nor has the harvest from the fields I have plowed ever matched our harvest that Autumn.  But I try as best I can to impart the lessons that I learned while yoked to Jesús.

Questions

1. Think of a time when you did something without Jesus by your side. How did that turn out?

2. Now, how about a time when Jesus carried the load for you?

3. Have you ever thought that Jesus was no longer with you? In hindsight, was that a time for growth?

4. What crosses do you have, and how might walking yoked to Jesus help you?

Boost Your Wellness with Body and Soul Habit Stacking

This second two-part blog series focuses on practices that nurture the body and soul.  The first blog of the series, Good for the Body, Good for the Soul, covered five powerful practices that can help you promote your soul and, in turn, improve your health and disposition.   This blog will cover how to stack in sequence or, better yet,  run body and soul habit combinations in parallel for a double whammy. You can also hear both blogs with additional info in podcast form by subscribing to the Change Well podcast, available at our website link here or on Spotify or Apple Podcast.

The concept of habit stacking, as introduced in Atomic Habits, helps to establish beneficial habits more quickly. Here is a simple example. You need to take medication each day, which is an established habit. However, you also want to institute the beneficial habit of drinking sixty-four ounces of water. A way to develop the new habit is to place a water bottle next to your pill container. Presto! Now, you have a ready-made container with the right amount of water next to your pill box. You need to wash down the pills and, in so doing, start drinking the water you need for the day!

I used this habit stacking idea to benefit significantly during my weight loss journey of losing 150+ pounds in under a year.  My physical transformation recovered my body, but my soul was still suffering. I was still sometimes a curmudgeon, and my peace of mind, though better, could still get rattled. So, I decided to piggyback some new soul habits with some of my firmly established body habits.  I will provide examples of my body and soul habit stacks and scrums, more on that term later, that relate to my faith practice – Roman Catholicism.  However, I will try briefly suggesting how these may be adapted based on my research. 

The first stack I tried was what I called the Texas Three Step. I had already established the Texas Two Step method during my weight loss journey. Each Saturday morning, I would get up at 6:00 and work out for an hour and a half before attending my WW meeting. It was good for the body! 

Two years ago, my parish established Saturday morning prayers (called Lauds in the Liturgy of the Hours) combined with Adoration on Saturday in the early morning. This led to my new and improved Texas three-step Saturday ritual. I now get up on Saturday at 5 AM and exercise to get as close to my weight target as possible. I then went to my Church and prayed for an hour to clear the weight off my soul. After praying (and sometimes Mass), I head to my WW meeting to share wellness ideas with my friends, now at the 9:30 WW Meeting. In one fell swoop, I shed weight on body, soul, and shared fellowship to start the weekend right!

I next created a daily body and soul stack.  It was similar to the first stack but less formal without group activities.  I had established an exercise habit that followed my morning water and medication discussed earlier.  I decided to add a prayer meditation after working out and subsequently stretching.  This worked well initially.  I got my heart rate up with exercise, then began slowing it down with stretching, and lastly, I established a contemplative prayer.  The exercise helped my prayer focus, and the prayer helped me slow down and heal my body.  However, I ran into a problem with time management.  I skipped exercises if I had a late night the night before. Or if I thought I had enough but limited time, I rushed both.   I began to put back on some weight because I prioritized the spiritual aspect.  I had to do something to bring them together.  That is when I came up with the idea of body and soul scrums while listening to a book on product management!

Scrum is likely known to rugby fans and software developers but may not be as well known to others.  Scrum in software development focuses, among other things, on parallel activities.  The origin of Scrum as a framework goes back to an article in the Harvard Business Review in 1986. “The New New Product Development Game” by Takeuchi and Nonaka described how first-class products are developed in cross-functional teams with an ‘all-simultaneous approach.’ 

Therefore, a body and soul scrum is when you simultaneously execute body and soul habits.  What is an example? I will use one of the oldest ones, perfect for the beginning of Christian Lent and practiced by many faiths, including Christianity, Islam, Buddhism, Jainism, Hinduism, Judaism, and Taoism – Fasting and prayer!

Intermittent fasting is now all the rage for weight loss. Still, before my Silicon Valley colleagues adapted it to shed pounds, fasting was used by saints and spiritual leaders to deny themselves and develop spiritually.  It is the ultimate body and soul scrum, cleansing the body and healing the soul.  Today, on Ash Wednesday, I fast as part of my religion.  But also practice fasting more regularly to detoxify the body and soul.  I have put a link in the show notes to an article from the NIH on religious fasting. 

Besides fasting and prayer, I have developed other body and soul habit scrums I use weekly.  They help me manage my time while packing a one-two holistic punch of well-being. 

  1. Mike and Bike. In these previous blogs, I documented my love of cycling on our companion blog site: Peloton Pandemic Pandemonium, Don’t Stop Believing: A Weight Loss Journey in Three Intervals. My respect and admiration for Father Mike Schmitz are right up there with this love. He was instrumental in my wellness journey, both body and soul. I started listening to his homilies after a Lenten retreat at our parish and would listen to his homilies while using the elliptical training. With the launch of the Bible in the Year podcast, I have taken it to a new level with Mike and Bike. At least three times weekly, I take a 20-minute scenic ride on the Peloton and turn off the sound. I then turn on the daily Bible in the Year podcast and listen to the Lord’s word while circumventing the pathways of Rome, Paris, or the Alps. With each Mike and Bike, I grow in knowing the Lord’s plan for me and building my quads! You can download the Bible in the Year podcast here Bible in a Year if you want to try it.
  2. Marching with Mary. Last May, I participated in a fundraiser to raise money for the mental wellness of veterans and soldiers. The StopSoldierSuicide.org fundraiser called for me to march 50 miles during May while carrying a 50 lbs. ruck. My 60-year-old body does not march fast with 50 lbs. on my back. It was seriously cutting down on my prayer time. I therefore decided to add reciting a silent Rosary while marching. A rosary is a series of prayers and meditations that use a unique prayer bead called a rosary.   As a Catholic, I believe this prayer practice was passed on to us from Mary through St. Dominic.  Other religious practices have prayer beads to recite prayers, chants, and mantras. This Marching with Mary practice allowed me to add over fifty prayers and meditations on each ruck march. In this way, I was not only able to raise money for Veterans, but I could pray for them, too.
  3. Hinge and Hallow. One of the reasons I ambled while marching was weakness in one of my knees. To help with this issue, I use a physical therapy application called Hinge Health. This application has a set of tailor-made exercises to help strengthen my knee. While doing my Hinge exercises, I listen to the Hallow mindfulness application https://hallow.com/. This application is an excellent resource for all Catholics and includes everything from The Daily Miracle meditation to Gregorian Chants to books from doctors of the Church.  I highly recommend it, and you may have seen their ad at the recent Superbowl, but there are other similar applications, such as Calm, that are secular or of a different faith that others can use. This combination helps me fix my knee and my disposition all at the same time!
  4. Exodus for the soul (and body). The last body/soul scrum is the one that launched it all. Two years ago, I participated with a group of men in my church in Exodus 90. This program is a ninety-day spiritual exercise for men based on three pillars: prayer, asceticism, and fraternity. Part of the ascetic practice is daily rigorous exercise, excluding alcohol and sweets, and days of fasting. It also includes daily prayer practice. It gave me the idea for the other four practices previously stated. I highly recommend it for all Catholic Men who need a wake-up call for both body and soul.

I hope these ideas can help you as they help me improve your body and soul. 

Good for the Soul, Good for the Body – Part 1.

This is the first of two in a blog series on the importance of mindfulness. You can also hear this blog read and sung on Episode 17 of our Change Well Podcast

There is a definite connection between body and soul.  Be happy, feel better.  Share kindness, win friends, and feel good.  On the other hand, when you are stressed or miss your workout, it is not always easy to turn the other cheek.  Common sense confirms recent studies that caring for others improves the well-being of those you helped and your own!

I have struggled to learn this lesson. I am naturally an intense person and a bit of a curmudgeon—a person who is sometimes not kind to others, particularly myself. Driven to achieve, I occasionally drive other people out and beat myself up. This often leads to regret, guilt, and, more often than not, an eating binge. A happy person is a healthy person, and vice versa.

That is why when I started on my weight loss journey, it was just as important to cleanse my soul as my body.  I took several measures to help me improve my disposition and, correspondingly, my health.  This is what I did. 

  1. Write in my Kindness Journal – I journal six minutes daily in a Kindness Journal.  It sets my daily goals for being a better person and helps me envision the person I want to become.  It also provides me a place to recognize those items the day before for which I was most pleased (being kind to myself) and reflect on those who were kind to me.   Lastly, I set my intention on one kind of beneficial act that I will do to make the world better for others.  I use this particular journal, but you can use another Kindness Journal
  2. Record happy thoughts in HappyFeed – In addition to writing in my Kindness Journal, I record three things I am so glad about each day using the iOS application HappyFeed.  You do not always have to write something earth-shattering.  Sometimes, I write something like, “I got 8 hours of sleep last night!”  The key is to dwell on what makes you happy rather than what makes you stressed.
  3. Pray, Meditate, and Give Thanks – There is no room for worry when thankful.  You feel better about yourself and also those around you.  Also, the Power of Thanksgiving can break through even the darkest hour.  I spoke about this in the following blog.  The Power of Thanksgiving
  4. Help Others – Helping others benefits those you help and others.  First, when you allow others, you focus on them, not the issues you face.  Also, you are so preoccupied with the task at hand, whether it is building a house for Habitat for Humanity or walking to raise funds to combat cancer, that you often do not have time to overeat.
  5. Smile – The simple act of smiling lightens your mood and that of others.  Better yet, laugh; it is the best medicine, as they say.

Working on your heart and soul can make you a better person and help you lose weight – a double whammy (ok enough with the W’s).  I have glorified this concept by establishing my most sacrosanct scheduled time of each day – Body and Soul Time.  If you look at my calendar, you will see 6:00 – 8:00 AM each day, blocked out as Body and Soul time.  This is when I do a weekly set of body and soul combos, combining mindfulness and prayer with exercise—more on next week’s blog.

But for now, let me close with, of all things, the importance of being third. A few weeks back, when thinking about Dr. King’s legacy and other selfless people like Gandhi and Mother Theresa, I tried to find the common thread that pulled them all together.  And I realized it was because they were each Third – behind their religious beliefs and their care for others.  I then thought about how hard it is to be Third in my life and thought of that classic song – “It’s Not Easy Being Green.”  So, I decided to write this song/poem to the tune of It’s Not Easy Being Green.  I hope you enjoy it. My thanks to Kermit!

It’s Not Easy Being Third

It’s not easy being Third,
Putting yourself behind our human family and God’s word,
And people tend to pass you over,
Because you’re not in the latest fashion,
or have cool toys like some other guys.

But Third’s the purpose in your life,
And Third can help end earthly strife,
And Third can change the course of a nation,
Or build bridges to others, or define history.

When Third is what you are meant to be,
It could make you ponder why, but why ponder?
Why ponder, I am Third, it’s written on our Souls,
And it is where we are meant to be.

The Lost Coin: A Lesson in Redemption

“Or what woman having ten coins* and losing one would not light a lamp and sweep the house, searching carefully until she finds it? Luke 15: 8

Nothing is lost forever,
Where shines the light of God,
For He came to save the lost,
And free those downtrod.

Looking for the sinner,
The lost, broken, and lame,
The rich man and the poor man,
He treated just the same.

A shephard from the heavens,
Not one of his flock is lost,
For He protects and defends us,
Without regard to cost.

And with Word and deed unnumbered,
He swept our sinful souls clean,
Finding the coin of redemption,
Until His time unseen.

We must follow in his footsteps,
Following the lessons that he taught,
Being kind, forgiving and thankful,
Helping those that humanity forgot. 

Copyright 2024 Don Grier

A Weave of Life Lessons This Election Day

Today, I have a lot on my mind. It is the 22nd anniversary of my Dad, Big D, passing, and it is election day.  So, in honor of my Dad, to celebrate our democracy and organize the many thoughts in my head, I will attempt what former President Trump calls the weave.  

My definition of the weave is connecting several lines of disparate thought to develop a consistent theme.   Today’s weave will hopefully create a tapestry of life lessons that lead to wellness.  The thread that ties this weave together is the many lessons I learned from my father and how they have helped me become a better person.  So, let’s start weaving.

Big Russ and Me

I find myself missing Tim Russert this election day. Tim Russert was and still is my favorite journalist. He was the epitome of authenticity and enthusiasm for our democracy. The longtime host of Meet the Press, he was thorough, insightful, and always civil but challenging in his questioning.  I used to watch Meet the Press every Sunday but now seldom watch Sunday news programs.

Another reason I miss Tim Russert is his dedication to family. He wrote one of my favorite memoirs, Big Russ &  Me, about his relationship with his father, Big Russ, and the lessons he learned from him. 

Big Russ and Tim’s relationship reminded me of my one with my Dad, Big D.   The similarities are uncanny. Both raised four children with their wives, did not finish high school, had blue-collar jobs, and served in the military.   Believe it or not, both worked on a Garbage truck.  But most importantly, they both taught life lessons that made their sons better people.

I will not write a book like Tim for this election day weave of lessons (although I could and will someday).  Instead, I will provide the top five lessons I learned from my Dad, resonating even more loudly 22 years after his passing.

Get the Iron Out of the Door.   

What is the iron? Where’s the door?  Iron refers to large turbines that generate electricity in dams.   Big D was a steelworker/machinist, and it was his job to repair the turbines and get them out the door as quickly as possible to their destinations worldwide.  Equally important was ensuring the turbines did not have to come back through the door: this required diligence, consistency, and hard work.    

The lesson is to learn your craft, roll up your sleeves, and work daily at your vocation and for your family.  For more on this lesson and how I applied it to my career in information technology, please read my blog, Getting the Iron Out the Door.

There is Always Room for Improvement. 

My dad was good at getting the iron out the door, but he was always looking for ways to make his team get it done faster, cheaper, and with higher quality. Likewise, he taught us that no matter how well you do, there is always room for improvement. 

He applied this lesson to his personal life.  As mentioned earlier, Big D and Big Russ had not graduated high school.  My dad left school to help his mom and family and entered the Air Force. He got his GED, machinist journeyman certification, and further education in a community college. 

I remember him returning after overtime at DeLaval and practicing the words fuma and puma in Spanish very intently.  Over 50 years later, I can still hear him practicing to better communicate with his fellow union workers. 

One more story about improvement from this lesson.  Improvement does not come quickly.  You must make slow, steady practice.  Big D  demonstrated this aspect by building a lake on his retirement property. 

I remember the first time my Dad started building the lake.  He had just got the backhoe and had begun scraping out a ditch.  He took my brother and me out there.  Then, pointing to a muddy gouge with a few puddles, he said proudly, “Look at my lake!”. 

My brother and I started laughing.  Dad said, “Why are you laughing?”.  My bother pointed out, “Dad, when you say lake, it connotates images of water!  This is not a lake. It is a puddle.”  Dad just shook his head, climbed in his backhoe, and said, “You will see smart alecks.” 

And we saw.  A year or two later, there was a full-fledged lake.  The following year, fish were in the lake and on a dock.  But Dad kept tweaking the lake up to the day he died. 

We wondered why he did this since he proved his point and gave us our initial lesson.   Having returned to the land recently with the direct coordinates in hand,  I found an aerial picture revealing he built the lake in the shape of Texas!  If you want to see the before and after pictures, read our blog, The Return: Have A Vision as Big as Texas.  And always look for ways to improve!

Be Tough, But Have A Heart.   

One area in which my Dad did not need much improvement was toughness. My brother tells a great story about my Dad at one of the campouts that Dad hosted for my brother’s fraternity.  Big D had fallen asleep too close to the fire, and one of his cowboy boots started burning!  The fraternity brothers shook my Dad awake, yelling Big D! Big D! Your boot is on fire.  Big D, not batting an eye, took off the boot, smashed it in the dirt, extinguished the fire, and said, “I am the toughest SOB that ever walked the face of the earth.” 

Big D was tough due to his childhood, but he still had a big heart. He taught us that you must be firm but fair and have a heart for others. I best learned this lesson when I ran away from home. 

When I was 16, I made the rash decision to run away. I was distressed that I was moving away from my home in New Jersey and losing my friends. I thought the world was ending, but really, it was only beginning.

I do not know how he knew where I was going, but my Dad found me. He told me that he was sorry and that I was tough. He then explained that we needed to move to Texas to make a better life. He then hugged me, and I got in the car. There was no yelling. There was only love. 

You can read more about this story and other lessons in the blog: The Lesson Learned When Running Away.

Be Part of the Community.

Another thing that my dad instilled in me was the power of community.  My dad was our Cub Master,  our baseball and basketball coach,  a Union Vice President, a softball player, and a member of several men’s clubs.    He also had diverse friends and included some of our friends in our family. 

I carry with me the importance of community. I am a leader or participant in several civic organizations. The lesson I learned from Big D about community was threefold.

First, he led or was present in our activities to be part of his children’s lives. Second, when you meet people face to face, it is hard to stay in an argument.  You can cast aspersions on someone on Facebook without truly facing them.  It is tough to hold a grudge or an argument when you have to see the person the following week.  Last, when we act in the community, we build others up instead of tearing them down.  We become stronger when we act as a team.

The First and Last Lesson – Be Thankful. 

Big D was always thankful for his community and friends and was unafraid to show it. I will miss the heartfelt prayers of thanks my dad used to say before Thanksgiving dinner. They were simple but profound and gave thanks for all that was given to our family. 

But I will never forget the first Thanksgiving without him and the miracle provided us in his remembrance. I recommend you read the full Thanksgiving Cows blog here, but here is a synopsis and the lesson. 

Two weeks after Big D died, we went to my dad and mom’s ranch one last time for Thanksgiving. The ten cows he was raising were all expecting.

As we rounded the bend, my family saw two new baby calves. During the rest of Thanksgiving, a new calf was born about every hour, so there were nine near dinner time. However, one cow, Rosie, had a problem birthing her calf.  

After much chasing and antics, we finally got Rosie in the truck and took her to the veterinarian.  We did not have Thanksgiving dinner, but I would not have missed the event for the best food in the world.

I had never seen a calf being born; it was a tremendous sight. The vet wrapped a rope around the half-born calf and pulled it. The calf was born after a few moments that seemed like an eternity. After lying on the ground for a few moments, the calf made its first few steps and was alive.

At that moment, despite missing Thanksgiving Dinner, I was never more thankful. I was grateful for my dad’s gift of the cows, and I was thankful for the timing and happiness that the calves’ birth gave me and my family.

Whenever I feel let down or frustrated, I think back to the story of the Thanksgiving calves. And that is a Game Changer. Counting your blessings can change your attitude to one of positivity. It can lift you out of the despair of failure and toward the hope of tomorrow. 

The End of the Weave, Hope for Tomorrow.

We close our weave by coming full circle to tomorrow’s election. Whether your candidate wins or not, let’s remember the lessons of Big D.  Wake up tomorrow to get the iron out the door and food on your family’s plate.  Look for ways to improve yourself and those around you.  Be passionate about your beliefs, but have a heart for those who may differ.  And most of all,  Join in community and be thankful for this great country.  We owe it to the legacy of Big D and Big Russ.

Lost But Found

We wander our lives,
With purpose unknown,
Our minds half-formed,
Our souls half-grown.

In a foreign place,
That is far from home,
We seek the forgotten,

Untethered, we roam.

God is watching us,
But we refuse to see,
The person and blessing,
We were meant to be.

We seek but are lost,
Oh, the games we play!
Where we’re going, what direction?
Not one of us can say.

So snatch us, Lord,
from the jaws of death,
Give us new life,
Give us new breath.

Help us to seek,
So we can be found,
Our sins all broken,
Our hearts unbound.

And with Your help,
It is not too late,
To find the good,
Forgo the great!

So Stop! Listen!
Forget the strife!
Find your purpose,
Breathe new life,
Find the person,
You were meant to be,
With soul unfettered,
With our spirit freed!

The Way Through The Narrow Gate

When the young man heard this statement, he went away sad, for he had many possessions. Then Jesus said to his disciples, “Amen, I say to you, it will be hard for one who is rich to enter the kingdom of heaven. Matthew 19: 22-23

As he knelt before Jesus,
He was seeking validation,
That what he was doing,
Met the gist of his oration.

I have kept the Commandments,
Both one and all,
Against sin and temptation,
I did God’s call.

So Jesus, with love.
Looked in the man’s heart,
For eternity’s sake,
Your wealth must part.

For he saw deep,
Into the man’s soul,
That he had forgone wisdom,
And sought after gold.

“Sell all that you have,
And give to the poor,
That is the way,
Through the narrow door.”

But the man’s faith,
Was not strong enough,
“Giving away my security,
Is exceedingly tough”.

So he left Jesus.
And went back to his home.
One of the biggest mansions,
In all of Rome.

The moral of the story,
Is not that wealth is bad,
For work and enterprise,
Was the talent the man had.

Instead, the lesson,
Is closer to this.
Money, wealth, and security,
Don’t equal eternal bliss.

You should use your talent,
For all those around,
And not hoard in fear,
Or let your soul be bound.

Thinking our way into oblivion

Thinking our way into oblivion,

we forgo faith and embrace fear.

Worried about the future,

we forget each life brings the promise of redemption,

and no AI can match the spark of the soul!

Instead of reveling in life we cling to death,

hugging a tree instead of a child. Thinking our way into oblivion, the world may end in a whine instead of a bang,

Unless we love our way back to life!

Be Good Not Great

A few nights ago, I had one of those dreams. You know the ones that I am talking about. A dream so vivid, so poignant that it seems more than real. A dream that wakes you up at 4 AM with a smile on your face and thoughts rushing so fast that you can barely keep up as you type on your cell phone in the bathroom with door shut so as not to disturb your wife. A dream of important messages heaven sent to shape your life and to pass on to others.

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In this dream, I was again in my Grandpop’s house on Melrose Avenue in Trenton, NJ.  And there was my Grandpop rocking on the porch.  The picture below is of that very same house that my sister Lori texted me today while she was visiting Jersey, reinforcing the dream’s importance!  As we walked together and talked in each of the rooms, the memories of times shared together came flooding back.  And there was an underlying message tying all those memories together.   My Grandpop – John William Henry – was a good man. 

I say a good man, not great man for a reason.  The best men are good men not great men.  They dole out love instead of striving for power or money.  They love their country and their God.  They care more about friends and less about prestige.  They take time for fun, the Phillies, and to sing Irish songs.  They look like Fred McMurray on My Three Sons and remind you of Jimmy Stewart on It’s A Wonderful Life.    That was my Grandpop!  And here are the four lessons that I learned from that dream, his life and my Grandpop’s home and heart.

Take time for Family and Friends (The Porch) – Grandpop loved to rock on his porch and look out on Melrose Avenue.  Two memories came back to me as I again sat on the porch.  I remembered how he would spend hours on the porch during the evening and weekends talking to and visiting with his neighbors down the street.  Some 50 years later, I can remember their names, their faces and believe it or not their homes.  During that dream, I visited with them again.  Mrs. Curr a widower who gave us tea and cookies in her home as she talked about her garden.  Mrs. Heipel who lived on the end house on Melrose talking about her daughter who had recently moved.  The Toronto’s telling stories of my mother when they were young.  I was happy for the friendship again and a little sad since my porch faces the back yard and I so seldom visit with my neighbors (or remember their names).

The other thing I remember is how gentle and good my Grandpop was.   He was no wimp having boxed when he was younger.  But he knew how to calm his Grandkids when they were cranky and tired.  I again saw him rocking my brother David as he sang “Little Man Your Crying” in a voice not as resonant as Bing’s but close to perfect due to its love.  And as I saw this image again in my mind’s eye, I thought back that although I spent quality time with my kids, I was not as calm or soothing as that gentle man who rocked my brother asleep

Love Others Unconditionally and For Eternity (the Living Room) – We came in from the porch and into the living room with its furniture entrenched in the fifties.   We sat on the couch watching the Phillies like so many times before.  We both loved the Phillies, especially Mike Schmidt (Schmidty as we called him).  In walked my Uncle who had gone missing for several months on another binge as he had done so many times before.  He was the ultimate prodigal son.  He asked to come back to the home and Grandpop with tears in his eyes took him back.  And I thought to the times when I turned my back on others in need because I was too busy and vowed to do better.   

The dream changed again to a different moment.  This one happened outside my other Uncle’s house in Morrisville, PA but in the dream, it was in the living room.  My family was visiting, and my Grandpop walked in with a bag of donuts as he did on most Sundays.  But this time it was different.  It was several weeks after my Grand mom’s passing and Grandpop had returned to the donut tradition for the first time without Grand mom.  I again saw the tear from my Grandpop’s eye when my brother asked where is Grand mom?  I was again a bit mad at my younger brother since I was older.  And I thought on how my Grandpop who was still a young man of 50 when Grand mom passed, yet he never dated seriously or married again.  He would visit his wife’s grave several times a week keeping the love of her in his heart for the rest of life.   And I imagined them again holding hands throughout eternity and I vowed to love my wife like Grandpop.

Be Frugal with Yourself, Lavish with Others (the Phone room).  I wanted to stay with both my Grandparents again, but my dream switched to the phone room.    I was not sure if the room was a formal dining room or a second living room, but I remember it as the phone room due to the rotary phone that rested at the end of a long hutch.  Another thing that rested on the long hutch was hundreds of coupons.  Having lived in the Depression, my Grandpop and his brothers were frugal in saving money.  I again saw my Grandpop and Great Uncle Don talking about the latest coupon that they found for Acme.  My Grandpop would drive to 5 or 6 stores to use the coupons to save a few bucks.  Besides being frugal on the groceries, he did not spend much on himself.  He seldom traveled or bought expensive clothes or items but reveled in the simple pleasures such as the occasional Phillies games.   He was frugal with himself but lavish with others.  As my dream progressed, I thought back on the time he bought my brothers and I a complete Lionel Train set on Christmas.  And how happy he was when our eyes lighted up.  Then I thought back on the many times I had splurged on the latest iPhone or Uber Eats instead of focusing on the ones around me.  I seldom use a coupon even though they are digital now and can easily be obtained on the cell phone I have.  I vowed to spend less on myself and more on others.

Be Thankful for the Simple Pleasures and Family (the Kitchen).   The dream now moved into the kitchen and I saw the big yellow wooden kitchen table where we often sat.  As I sat down at the table, I looked across to a little stand when my Grandpop kept one of his prized possessions – a Hot Dog Zapper!  I do not know if they have them anymore, but my Grandpop sure did take pleasure in it.  He would invite us to sit down and put each of the six hot dogs on two prongs at either end of the hot dog.  He would turn on the machine and after a few minutes of zapping they were cooked (and most often split open a bit!).  He again laughed as he took them off and gave one to each of us around the table. 

As we ate, more of my extended family gathered around and I realized the time had shifted to St. Patrick’s Day.  I again saw my Great Uncles (both cops), my Uncle John and his family, Uncle Gary and my family.  Each of the men had a Schlitz beer or two (I told you Henrys are frugal!) as we went through a chorus of Irish Songs – Mrs. Murphy’s Chowder, Come Meet a Donovan, The Same Old Shillelagh, and of course When Irish Eyes Are Smiling.  And I thought.  We often take for granted the simple pleasure of singing with family and friends.  We forget the expensive items we bought after a few years.  But I can sing verbatim every one of those songs to this day and see the hot dog zapper in my mind’s eye.  Just before I left this part of the dream, one more simple, glorious pleasure occurred.  My Dad did not know the Irish songs of his wife’s family but wanted to participate.  I again heard him sing “The Old Rugged Cross”, his favorite song and the one we played at his funeral.  As I wept, I vowed to spend more time with family and the simple pleasure of life.

And as I woke, one thought ran through my head.  Be good, not great!  Strive for friendship not fame.  Make memories not money to live on through eternity. 

In closing here is a poem that also came to me as part of this dream https://weightlossleadership.com/2019/08/01/be-good-not-great-poem/