Category: Be Good Not Great

Boost Your Wellness with Body and Soul Habit Stacking

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This second two-part blog series focuses on practices that nurture the body and soul.  The first blog of the series, Good for the Body, Good for the Soul, covered five powerful practices that can help you promote your soul and, in turn, improve your health and disposition.   This blog will cover how to stack in sequence or, better yet,  run body and soul habit combinations in parallel for a double whammy. You can also hear both blogs with additional info in podcast form by subscribing to the Change Well podcast, available at our website link here or on Spotify or Apple Podcast.

The concept of habit stacking, as introduced in Atomic Habits, helps to establish beneficial habits more quickly. Here is a simple example. You need to take medication each day, which is an established habit. However, you also want to institute the beneficial habit of drinking sixty-four ounces of water. A way to develop the new habit is to place a water bottle next to your pill container. Presto! Now, you have a ready-made container with the right amount of water next to your pill box. You need to wash down the pills and, in so doing, start drinking the water you need for the day!

I used this habit stacking idea to benefit significantly during my weight loss journey of losing 150+ pounds in under a year.  My physical transformation recovered my body, but my soul was still suffering. I was still sometimes a curmudgeon, and my peace of mind, though better, could still get rattled. So, I decided to piggyback some new soul habits with some of my firmly established body habits.  I will provide examples of my body and soul habit stacks and scrums, more on that term later, that relate to my faith practice – Roman Catholicism.  However, I will try briefly suggesting how these may be adapted based on my research. 

The first stack I tried was what I called the Texas Three Step. I had already established the Texas Two Step method during my weight loss journey. Each Saturday morning, I would get up at 6:00 and work out for an hour and a half before attending my WW meeting. It was good for the body! 

Two years ago, my parish established Saturday morning prayers (called Lauds in the Liturgy of the Hours) combined with Adoration on Saturday in the early morning. This led to my new and improved Texas three-step Saturday ritual. I now get up on Saturday at 5 AM and exercise to get as close to my weight target as possible. I then went to my Church and prayed for an hour to clear the weight off my soul. After praying (and sometimes Mass), I head to my WW meeting to share wellness ideas with my friends, now at the 9:30 WW Meeting. In one fell swoop, I shed weight on body, soul, and shared fellowship to start the weekend right!

I next created a daily body and soul stack.  It was similar to the first stack but less formal without group activities.  I had established an exercise habit that followed my morning water and medication discussed earlier.  I decided to add a prayer meditation after working out and subsequently stretching.  This worked well initially.  I got my heart rate up with exercise, then began slowing it down with stretching, and lastly, I established a contemplative prayer.  The exercise helped my prayer focus, and the prayer helped me slow down and heal my body.  However, I ran into a problem with time management.  I skipped exercises if I had a late night the night before. Or if I thought I had enough but limited time, I rushed both.   I began to put back on some weight because I prioritized the spiritual aspect.  I had to do something to bring them together.  That is when I came up with the idea of body and soul scrums while listening to a book on product management!

Scrum is likely known to rugby fans and software developers but may not be as well known to others.  Scrum in software development focuses, among other things, on parallel activities.  The origin of Scrum as a framework goes back to an article in the Harvard Business Review in 1986. “The New New Product Development Game” by Takeuchi and Nonaka described how first-class products are developed in cross-functional teams with an ‘all-simultaneous approach.’ 

Therefore, a body and soul scrum is when you simultaneously execute body and soul habits.  What is an example? I will use one of the oldest ones, perfect for the beginning of Christian Lent and practiced by many faiths, including Christianity, Islam, Buddhism, Jainism, Hinduism, Judaism, and Taoism – Fasting and prayer!

Intermittent fasting is now all the rage for weight loss. Still, before my Silicon Valley colleagues adapted it to shed pounds, fasting was used by saints and spiritual leaders to deny themselves and develop spiritually.  It is the ultimate body and soul scrum, cleansing the body and healing the soul.  Today, on Ash Wednesday, I fast as part of my religion.  But also practice fasting more regularly to detoxify the body and soul.  I have put a link in the show notes to an article from the NIH on religious fasting. 

Besides fasting and prayer, I have developed other body and soul habit scrums I use weekly.  They help me manage my time while packing a one-two holistic punch of well-being. 

  1. Mike and Bike. In these previous blogs, I documented my love of cycling on our companion blog site: Peloton Pandemic Pandemonium, Don’t Stop Believing: A Weight Loss Journey in Three Intervals. My respect and admiration for Father Mike Schmitz are right up there with this love. He was instrumental in my wellness journey, both body and soul. I started listening to his homilies after a Lenten retreat at our parish and would listen to his homilies while using the elliptical training. With the launch of the Bible in the Year podcast, I have taken it to a new level with Mike and Bike. At least three times weekly, I take a 20-minute scenic ride on the Peloton and turn off the sound. I then turn on the daily Bible in the Year podcast and listen to the Lord’s word while circumventing the pathways of Rome, Paris, or the Alps. With each Mike and Bike, I grow in knowing the Lord’s plan for me and building my quads! You can download the Bible in the Year podcast here Bible in a Year if you want to try it.
  2. Marching with Mary. Last May, I participated in a fundraiser to raise money for the mental wellness of veterans and soldiers. The StopSoldierSuicide.org fundraiser called for me to march 50 miles during May while carrying a 50 lbs. ruck. My 60-year-old body does not march fast with 50 lbs. on my back. It was seriously cutting down on my prayer time. I therefore decided to add reciting a silent Rosary while marching. A rosary is a series of prayers and meditations that use a unique prayer bead called a rosary.   As a Catholic, I believe this prayer practice was passed on to us from Mary through St. Dominic.  Other religious practices have prayer beads to recite prayers, chants, and mantras. This Marching with Mary practice allowed me to add over fifty prayers and meditations on each ruck march. In this way, I was not only able to raise money for Veterans, but I could pray for them, too.
  3. Hinge and Hallow. One of the reasons I ambled while marching was weakness in one of my knees. To help with this issue, I use a physical therapy application called Hinge Health. This application has a set of tailor-made exercises to help strengthen my knee. While doing my Hinge exercises, I listen to the Hallow mindfulness application https://hallow.com/. This application is an excellent resource for all Catholics and includes everything from The Daily Miracle meditation to Gregorian Chants to books from doctors of the Church.  I highly recommend it, and you may have seen their ad at the recent Superbowl, but there are other similar applications, such as Calm, that are secular or of a different faith that others can use. This combination helps me fix my knee and my disposition all at the same time!
  4. Exodus for the soul (and body). The last body/soul scrum is the one that launched it all. Two years ago, I participated with a group of men in my church in Exodus 90. This program is a ninety-day spiritual exercise for men based on three pillars: prayer, asceticism, and fraternity. Part of the ascetic practice is daily rigorous exercise, excluding alcohol and sweets, and days of fasting. It also includes daily prayer practice. It gave me the idea for the other four practices previously stated. I highly recommend it for all Catholic Men who need a wake-up call for both body and soul.

I hope these ideas can help you as they help me improve your body and soul. 

The Lost Coin: A Lesson in Redemption

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“Or what woman having ten coins* and losing one would not light a lamp and sweep the house, searching carefully until she finds it? Luke 15: 8

Nothing is lost forever,
Where shines the light of God,
For He came to save the lost,
And free those downtrod.

Looking for the sinner,
The lost, broken, and lame,
The rich man and the poor man,
He treated just the same.

A shephard from the heavens,
Not one of his flock is lost,
For He protects and defends us,
Without regard to cost.

And with Word and deed unnumbered,
He swept our sinful souls clean,
Finding the coin of redemption,
Until His time unseen.

We must follow in his footsteps,
Following the lessons that he taught,
Being kind, forgiving and thankful,
Helping those that humanity forgot. 

Copyright 2024 Don Grier

Be Good Not Great

A few nights ago, I had one of those dreams. You know the ones that I am talking about. A dream so vivid, so poignant that it seems more than real. A dream that wakes you up at 4 AM with a smile on your face and thoughts rushing so fast that you can barely keep up as you type on your cell phone in the bathroom with door shut so as not to disturb your wife. A dream of important messages heaven sent to shape your life and to pass on to others.

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In this dream, I was again in my Grandpop’s house on Melrose Avenue in Trenton, NJ.  And there was my Grandpop rocking on the porch.  The picture below is of that very same house that my sister Lori texted me today while she was visiting Jersey, reinforcing the dream’s importance!  As we walked together and talked in each of the rooms, the memories of times shared together came flooding back.  And there was an underlying message tying all those memories together.   My Grandpop – John William Henry – was a good man. 

I say a good man, not great man for a reason.  The best men are good men not great men.  They dole out love instead of striving for power or money.  They love their country and their God.  They care more about friends and less about prestige.  They take time for fun, the Phillies, and to sing Irish songs.  They look like Fred McMurray on My Three Sons and remind you of Jimmy Stewart on It’s A Wonderful Life.    That was my Grandpop!  And here are the four lessons that I learned from that dream, his life and my Grandpop’s home and heart.

Take time for Family and Friends (The Porch) – Grandpop loved to rock on his porch and look out on Melrose Avenue.  Two memories came back to me as I again sat on the porch.  I remembered how he would spend hours on the porch during the evening and weekends talking to and visiting with his neighbors down the street.  Some 50 years later, I can remember their names, their faces and believe it or not their homes.  During that dream, I visited with them again.  Mrs. Curr a widower who gave us tea and cookies in her home as she talked about her garden.  Mrs. Heipel who lived on the end house on Melrose talking about her daughter who had recently moved.  The Toronto’s telling stories of my mother when they were young.  I was happy for the friendship again and a little sad since my porch faces the back yard and I so seldom visit with my neighbors (or remember their names).

The other thing I remember is how gentle and good my Grandpop was.   He was no wimp having boxed when he was younger.  But he knew how to calm his Grandkids when they were cranky and tired.  I again saw him rocking my brother David as he sang “Little Man Your Crying” in a voice not as resonant as Bing’s but close to perfect due to its love.  And as I saw this image again in my mind’s eye, I thought back that although I spent quality time with my kids, I was not as calm or soothing as that gentle man who rocked my brother asleep

Love Others Unconditionally and For Eternity (the Living Room) – We came in from the porch and into the living room with its furniture entrenched in the fifties.   We sat on the couch watching the Phillies like so many times before.  We both loved the Phillies, especially Mike Schmidt (Schmidty as we called him).  In walked my Uncle who had gone missing for several months on another binge as he had done so many times before.  He was the ultimate prodigal son.  He asked to come back to the home and Grandpop with tears in his eyes took him back.  And I thought to the times when I turned my back on others in need because I was too busy and vowed to do better.   

The dream changed again to a different moment.  This one happened outside my other Uncle’s house in Morrisville, PA but in the dream, it was in the living room.  My family was visiting, and my Grandpop walked in with a bag of donuts as he did on most Sundays.  But this time it was different.  It was several weeks after my Grand mom’s passing and Grandpop had returned to the donut tradition for the first time without Grand mom.  I again saw the tear from my Grandpop’s eye when my brother asked where is Grand mom?  I was again a bit mad at my younger brother since I was older.  And I thought on how my Grandpop who was still a young man of 50 when Grand mom passed, yet he never dated seriously or married again.  He would visit his wife’s grave several times a week keeping the love of her in his heart for the rest of life.   And I imagined them again holding hands throughout eternity and I vowed to love my wife like Grandpop.

Be Frugal with Yourself, Lavish with Others (the Phone room).  I wanted to stay with both my Grandparents again, but my dream switched to the phone room.    I was not sure if the room was a formal dining room or a second living room, but I remember it as the phone room due to the rotary phone that rested at the end of a long hutch.  Another thing that rested on the long hutch was hundreds of coupons.  Having lived in the Depression, my Grandpop and his brothers were frugal in saving money.  I again saw my Grandpop and Great Uncle Don talking about the latest coupon that they found for Acme.  My Grandpop would drive to 5 or 6 stores to use the coupons to save a few bucks.  Besides being frugal on the groceries, he did not spend much on himself.  He seldom traveled or bought expensive clothes or items but reveled in the simple pleasures such as the occasional Phillies games.   He was frugal with himself but lavish with others.  As my dream progressed, I thought back on the time he bought my brothers and I a complete Lionel Train set on Christmas.  And how happy he was when our eyes lighted up.  Then I thought back on the many times I had splurged on the latest iPhone or Uber Eats instead of focusing on the ones around me.  I seldom use a coupon even though they are digital now and can easily be obtained on the cell phone I have.  I vowed to spend less on myself and more on others.

Be Thankful for the Simple Pleasures and Family (the Kitchen).   The dream now moved into the kitchen and I saw the big yellow wooden kitchen table where we often sat.  As I sat down at the table, I looked across to a little stand when my Grandpop kept one of his prized possessions – a Hot Dog Zapper!  I do not know if they have them anymore, but my Grandpop sure did take pleasure in it.  He would invite us to sit down and put each of the six hot dogs on two prongs at either end of the hot dog.  He would turn on the machine and after a few minutes of zapping they were cooked (and most often split open a bit!).  He again laughed as he took them off and gave one to each of us around the table. 

As we ate, more of my extended family gathered around and I realized the time had shifted to St. Patrick’s Day.  I again saw my Great Uncles (both cops), my Uncle John and his family, Uncle Gary and my family.  Each of the men had a Schlitz beer or two (I told you Henrys are frugal!) as we went through a chorus of Irish Songs – Mrs. Murphy’s Chowder, Come Meet a Donovan, The Same Old Shillelagh, and of course When Irish Eyes Are Smiling.  And I thought.  We often take for granted the simple pleasure of singing with family and friends.  We forget the expensive items we bought after a few years.  But I can sing verbatim every one of those songs to this day and see the hot dog zapper in my mind’s eye.  Just before I left this part of the dream, one more simple, glorious pleasure occurred.  My Dad did not know the Irish songs of his wife’s family but wanted to participate.  I again heard him sing “The Old Rugged Cross”, his favorite song and the one we played at his funeral.  As I wept, I vowed to spend more time with family and the simple pleasure of life.

And as I woke, one thought ran through my head.  Be good, not great!  Strive for friendship not fame.  Make memories not money to live on through eternity. 

In closing here is a poem that also came to me as part of this dream https://weightlossleadership.com/2019/08/01/be-good-not-great-poem/

Poem – Be Good Not Great

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Be good not great,

For the time is late,

And we have but a day,

To show God’s way!

Seek kindness, not power,

Make Love a tower,

Your heart the leaven,

To seek out heaven.

Take time don’t wait,

For eternity is our fate,

If we do what he asks,

And complete His task.

Seek the Cross not fame,

As your temptations you tame,

For the time is late!,

So be good, not great.

Be Good to Your Family: John Walton

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To date, the series has included only real people with whom I have directly interacted.  In this blog I focus on a person that I have interacted with since the seventies, but only through TV– John, the father on “The Waltons”.

For those not familiar with the series, “The Waltons”   ran for 9 years in the 70’s and early 80’s with specials continuing into the 2000’s.  It covers the trials and tribulations of an extended of family of 11 (John, his family, and John’s parents) living through the depression and World War II in the backwoods of Virginia.    The Waltons make it through those hard years of poverty and personal tragedy with their souls intact largely due to the sacrifices of John and his wife Olivia (who is equally deserving of being the subject of this blog). 

One of my favorite episodes of the series clearly demonstrates John’s focus on being good while foregoing opportunities for wealth and fame.  In the episode, John is uncharacteristically anxious and short with others.  His high school reunion is approaching and one of his fellow classmates want him to organize the reunion.  The classmate came to John because back in high school he and his classmate Grover where always vying for the lead position in the class.  Grover went on to Washington to lead an agency in the Roosevelt administration, while John stayed on Walton’s Mountain eking out a living for his family.  John becomes even more anxious when the person who was supposed to host the reunion cannot and John’s wife Olivia  agrees to host the reunion at the Walton home.

When the seemingly successful guests arrive, they all have problems.  Grover, for instance is having marital problems and his wife does not attend the reunion.  Another one of his classmates, a rich car salesman, has kids who act spoiled and misbehave throughout the reunion.  In contrast, the Walton children are the epitome of hospitality and work together to make the reunion a success. 

The show ends with what I considered the greatest quote from the show and one that highlights the difference between being good not great.  Grover, John’s former high school rival says the following: 

“Six years in grade school, five years in high school-everything I ever ran for, I was always running against the same Johnny Walton… The greatest day of my life was when I beat John Walton out for senior class president. I don’t think he ever lost any sleep over it. Now I’m an ambitious man – some would say successful; probably it’s all John’s fault. I was always running; he was always going past me at a walk. And here it is, 25 years later-here I am, and there’s John. Then look at me… and some of you… still running, still wearing ourselves to a frazzle for all sorts of things that John Walton has accumulated while he was out walking – a happy home, a fine wife and children. We’re sitting here well fed at John’s table, and I’m still boy enough to be graveled at the sight of him. ‘John – the boy most likely to succeed.’ Well, he’s the boy who did.”

This ending always gets me because it shows the choices a parent makes for his family.  There are so many episodes where John demonstrates his love for family over that of money of fame.  Here are three examples:

In one of the later episodes, John demonstrates his ability to organize competing, local sawmills in Virginia to deliver a large order for a rich government contractor.  Noting his ability, the contractor offers John the role of Vice President of lumber operations.  This job holds the promise of wealth, travel and a fine home.  The only issue is John would have to uproot his family.  He declines the role for the lesser opportunity of running a co-op in his hometown for a lot less money and prestige. 

One of the key attributes of a good father is being humble enough to accept the sacrifice of your children.  In another one of my favorite episodes, John and Olivia use all their emergency money to buy their son John-Boy, a new suit for college.  The whole family participates in the joyful event.  John is proud that he can provide clothes for his son to fit in with the wealthier students not on scholarship.  Then the family’s milking cow Chance dies and John is humbled since he does not have the money to replace it.  John Boy takes it upon himself to sell back his suit to pay for a new cow.  This action shows the goodness of his father John in two ways.  First, John-boy is following the example of sacrifice he has seen modeled by his father.  Second, John is humble enough after initial reluctance to accept the money.  John does what needs to be done even though it eats him up inside to provide his son this simple gift.  

In the last example, a developer comes to Walton’s Mountain and notes the beauty of the nature and a hot spring on the mountain.  FDR with his affinity for Hot Springs has raised the demand for these resorts and the developer offers John a lot of money for the mountain and his home.  He at first contemplates selling the land and moving the family but decides against moving the family, especially his parents from the home.  This episode clearly illustrates the sacrifices many sons and daughters make to care for their parents in their older years.  A good father indeed must first be a good son.

I could list at least another 20 episodes of the basic goodness of John Walton and his love for family.  Caring for your family and your spouse is what a marriage is all about!  A good parent thinks of their family first and career second.  Money and fame disappear, but a love of a good parent lives on! So, when facing a decision, let’s be like John and focus on what’s good for the family, rather than what is great for you!

Be A Good Neighbor: TM

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This is the fourth blog of the Be Good, Not Great series.  The initial idea for the blog series came to me in a dream about my Grandpop and resulted in a poem and a blog in less then an hour.  Read it hear. https://weightlossleadership.com/2019/03/16/be-good-not-great/

The series focuses on people that strive for goodness over greatness; who eschew money, wealth and fame to care for other people.

I still remember the first day at the first home my wife and I owned as if it were yesterday.  We moved into an established community in our then sleepy, now rapidly growing town.  The house was 70’s vintage and we were excited but a little daunted. 

We got the home for a good price.  But it did come with some things that we needed to fix.  The most urgent being a large bump in the sidewalk that led to our door.  The bump was due to a tree root that grew under one of the sidewalk panels.  It was a hazard especially for my wife who was pregnant with our second child and our 4-year-old.   I was ready to fulfill my duties as a husband, father and new home owner.

I had managed to lift the sidewalk a bit and was trying my best to cut off a portion with a small axe I had.  I was not making any headway and was sweating buckets.  When out walks a wiry, 60ish year old man with silver hair, from next door.

I stopped my work for a moment and greeted him.  he introduced himself and said, “I am TM your neighbor and son you looked like you could use some help!”  I said, “Hi Tim.  I am doing ok, but it is sure good to meet you”.    Which was wrong on two accounts. 

First because of his Texas twang, I called him Tim instead of TM.  This part was ok because he thought he heard TM due to my Jersey roots. Second, I was not Ok.  I had worked for an hour and made hardly a dent on the root.

After 15 minutes, TM returned with his own axe and said “Don, please let me help you out.  I have been doing this for awhile and we can knock it out together.”  Even though I was embarrassed I relented.  And I was glad I did.  TM immediately made more headway in 10 minutes then I had done in the last hour and a half.  When it was my turn to spell him, he let me use his axe and technique.  We got the root out and sidewalk level in less than 40 minutes together.  It was the start of a great friendship and mentorship.

TM was the perfect example of seeking goodness over greatness.  Born and bred in Leander, he moved to Cedar Park during its infancy to run one of the Cedar Yards for which the city was named. He was a great mentor, devoted husband for 68 years, loving father and a devout church goer.  You can read more about TM here. https://www.dignitymemorial.com/obituaries/austin-tx/thomas-pearson-7060600

There are four lessons from the life of TM to follow as we strive for goodness:

  1. Be a Good Neighbor.  The help with the tree root was just the first example of TM being neighborly. He was always there with a ready hand and a kind smile to help my wife and I with our expanding young family.  With both of us working, we did not always have time to keep the yard up.  When he saw us struggling, TM would take the time to mow the side of our yard closest to him or water some of plants when we did not get to it.  He also helped us with some ideas on landscaping and brought over some vegetables from his garden.  We in return tried to help him out, but never could match his generosity.
  2. Be a Good Family Man. TM was a devoted husband and father.  His only daughter was confined to a wheel chair after she was in an accident.   He and his wife helped care for her.  To make things easier, his daughter and her husband lived with TM.  TM had a specially outfitted van and helped with the medical visits and care.  He was always cheerful and willing to help. I also never saw a harsh word exchanged between the two couples despite the stress of living under the same roof. 
  3. Be a Good Mentor. TM was also always ready to pass the lessons of fatherhood to me.  One conversation stands out.  I was playing soccer with my son in our backyard and we were getting loud.  My son kicked the ball and it sailed into TM’s garden.  Instead of a harsh word, he handed over the soccer ball with a smile.  I told him I was sorry and asked him if we were bothering him by being too rowdy.  TM said, “You do get a bit loud, Don. but I know what you ae doing and you need to play with your son.  It is what they remember and how they learn so have at it!”  I try to remember that lesson when the two boys that are our new neighbors kick a soccer ball against our car.
  4. Take care of your community.  TM also reached out to the larger community.  His yard was an example to the whole community.  He also put on the best Christmas light show for many years.  Showing pride in your home and community inspires the same in your neighbors.   TM also sang and played guitar at his church.  He used his talents to the joy and betterment of those around him and the world is better for it.

We moved to a new home about a mile away in 2007.  Up to the end of our time next door, TM remained a good neighbor and friend.  Even helping us with fixing up the house for sale. Unfortunately, I did not follow his good example.  I got caught up with work and growing family and despite living only a mile or two away from him, we did not go to see him that often.  When he passed in 2016, I did not know until quite a bit later.  This is something I will always regret.

Robert Frost writes in his famous poem “Mending Wall” see full at this link https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/44266/mending-wall:

“Something there is that doesn’t love a wall,That sends the frozen-ground-swell under it,

And spills the upper boulders in the sun;

And makes gaps even two can pass abreast…

He only says, ‘Good fences make good neighbors.’

Spring is the mischief in me, and I wonder

If I could put a notion in his head:

‘Why do they make good neighbors? Isn’t it

Where there are cows? But here there are no cows.

Before I built a wall I’d ask to know

What I was walling in or walling out,

And to whom I was like to give offense.

Something there is that doesn’t love a wall,

That wants it down.’ I could say ‘Elves’ to him,

But it’s not elves exactly, and I’d rather

He said it for himself.”

I now know what does not love a wall.  It is not elves, it is God and his love.  Be like TM and not me!  Break down the walls of cell phones, work, and a busy life.  Take a sledgehammer to that wall, much like TM took an axe to that tree root and make time for your neighbor.  And above all, love your neighbor as yourself!